Being Will's Mom
Will is at his dad's house. And sometimes that's a huge relief for me, to get a break from the ups and downs of autism.
Every single day is hard with Will. I'd love to say it isn't, but that would be a lie.
So, when I know he's goeing to visit his dad, I get to breathe a little easier.
For a moment, anyway.
Because when Will's not here, my heart misses him.
So deeply.
He has been my every waking moment his whole life, so I sometimes feel like I can't really be - I can't really exist without him.
He has my heart. And when he's not here, I cease to be.
So when he's home there are these really tiny moments that I hang on to, these moments where he hugs me, or says my name, or looks me in the eye and smiles, and I live for them. Because most of the time, he's unhappy and that is so painful to experience - watching your child hurt and not being able to fix it.
So I hold tight to the moments where he's happy, because they sustain me. And those moments, because they are so few, fill me with a brimming love, so deep for my son, that it's indescribable.
I miss him.
And when he's home, it will be hard again.
But those tiny moments, they'll happen, and when they do, I'll savor them.
#willsworld #autism
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